God Likes Me

I'm sitting with my sister. She's retired and watches bad television. I am in hell. It makes me want to kill myself.  Should I kill myself a God? After all these years of depression and failure, how long do we stick this out? Pop culture has not helped. The shallow and the passing. Lost too much time and too many brain cells. And unless this life changes I don't want to keep playing.  #silence #death #life #god #hope #hopeless #badtelevision #hell #heaven 

Thank God for his favor. He helped me out of a mess. He came through when I had nowhere to turn. I pray doors open now. To prosper and give more life back than I have taken. Thank you Jesus.  "I am God who perfects your path. Trust me though I am not seen. I am here and I am blessing you. Be still and know I am God. Never will I leave you, never will I forsake you."  #favor #gratitude #mercy #prosper #love 

Waiting for friends to pick me up. They want to do a tour of architecture when it is cold and pouring. I want to die. But on and on goes this nightmare. I can't seem to wake up.  Do you like me at all God? Do you have any mercy for me or is it all nice and noisy?  "I am here. Rest in me. I will make a way for you. Trust in the Lord with all your heart. Don't lean on your understanding. I love you and like you son."

Does God listen when we pray? I wonder. I've prayed the same things over and over and gotten no answers. Maybe I'm a sinner. He doesn't listen to sinners. So they say. Or at least those who are not in his will. Or something. I'm not sure anymore. I don't know why I'm here to be honest. After all the failures and set backs I've prayed for death as much as life. Maybe that's why I get no response. Asking for different things at the same time.  Now I'm just exhausted. I'm staying in a cold place and I don't like the cold. I ran from it as long as I could. Then I fell on my face in a warmer place and was alone. I start to hate my existence again. There aren't enough pills to make me forget.  I wonder about mystery. I used to see and believe in it. Now the world seems empirically lost in its own numbers. Things are too real. I can't depend on them. I tried to add some general ease to it but got caught up in sensuality. My flesh was too lou

I'm glad it's over. I don't know how many more days I have. I can't live this. Does goodness spring again after death in your heart? This life is tragic to me. If I could be dead I would be. I've lost too much to care if he answers anymore. Too embarrassing, too sad and depressing everyday.  If you are real come tonight and act.  "I am here. I am here. I am moving in you and for you now. Just believe. Feel my presence. I will show you my love everyday." #day #night #presence #power #certainty #belief #tragic

Is God still God when you have to take medicine? I had to get pills today. They helped before but at the same time I don't want to be on them.  When I'm asleep I am fine. Hahaha. When I wake up I feel depressed. I feel anxious. I feel like there is no hope. I feel angry. I backed myself into a corner and I can't see the way out. Are you there God? Are you available for consultation? For prayer? I feel desperate and I don't know what to do.  I've stressed out my family and friends. I haven't worked in a long time. What do we do God? Lord Jesus what do we do? "I know you are in trouble son. I know you don't have anywhere to turn. I am here and I am in charge. I am making a way in the desert. I am making a way in the storm. I am the God who saves you and blesses you. I love you son and I will be with you. Your healing is here now. Your healing is here now." #listen #listening #hope #future #mystery #faith #doubt #fear #safety #god #light #meds 

Sleep is a blessing and a curse when you're depressed.  You want to stay asleep and never wake up. You don't want to deal with the problems and strife of being alive. This is the struggle. For me night time is when I feel better. The morning means you have to face all the issues and sadness you're avoiding.  Did Jesus ever not want to wake up? Was he chipper all the time? Or was he tired of being crucified one percent every day? That's how I feel. Like he just watches and does nothing.  Did it hang over Jesus? Or did he know enough from his life in a previous heaven, that worries do you no good? To Sleep, Perchance to Dream... Hamlet struggled with this. To be or not to be. As it were. To just exit and be done with outrageous fortune. And all the pain.  If there is a God, may he heal all of us who don't want to wake up. Who don't believe he loves them or likes them. Who are overwhelmed by their sins and failures and losses. May they be forgiven, and know they ar

I'm staying with my sister right now. I lost almost everything in my life. Home, career, family, hope, mental stability, etc. And she let me crash with her.  She is an angel and a blessing. She has her own issues. She did me a favor when I had nowhere to go. Pray for her health please. Bless her, God.  I wanted to die for a long time. I wondered if God cared about me. I still wonder. His silence is deafening at times. I believed the bible stories, I believed Jesus was raised from the dead and died for my sins. But I still wanted to die. I struggle with it now. I have problems like you. But mine feel insurmountable.  Maybe you can relate.  I feel in my better moments like things could change for the better. And if you are struggling with that thought, I understand that too.  Back when I came back to faith after years away, my friend Karen prayed for me. And she felt like God was reminding her of an old Bob Marley song, which God was speaking over me. The chorus you may know: "D

God Loves You.  But does he like you? Does He? I mean, he loves us according to many religions.  "For God so loved the world..." as John tells us.  But does he like us? I really wonder sometimes.  I'm starting this blog as a conversation. Maybe some of you out there have questions, too. I don't have answers necessarily.  But I feel sad and desperate at times, so I wonder if others might as well. I hope this comforts you.  There's so much confusion in the world and in our lives. Look at the wars going on. Look at the chaos in our personal existences. Does God exist? Does he/she care?  Maybe he loves us, but often I don't think he likes me very much. I hope I'm mistaken. If you are sad or anxious or depressed, I can relate.  I'm sorry you are going through it.  I don't believe pain is therapeutic. I think pain is horrible but we live on earth, where people are born and die, get married, split up, lose jobs, homes, hope. So it goes.  Me, I'm a Chr